Our stunning analysis of the IELTS Academic Essay according all marking criteria: what, where, why and how you should write to get a high score.
One of the types of IELTS Essay is TWO QUESTIONS. You are given a topic and two questions, for example:
Is this a positive development? What measures could be taken?
Do you agree or disagree? Why should….?
Let's do a detailed breakdown of an example of such essay and go through all 4 assessment criteria, and what exactly you should and should not write for a high score.
First of all, we will analyze the structure of this type of essay and see what we should write in each paragraph and how to structure them effectively covering the task - TASK ACHIEVEMENT criteria.
Then, we will go through GRAMMATICAL RANGE / ACCURACY and LEXICAL RESOURCE, and finish with COHERENCE / COHESION (linking ideas and composition logic)
This essay is written by Cambridge as an example of an essay for a high score.
So, here is the task as it will look like at the exam:
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Here is an amazing example of an answer (ATTENTION: THIS IS JUST ONE WAY OF ANSWERING THE TASK)
One important stage in a child’s growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is linked to the ability to tell right from wrong (task rephrasing children – a child, learn the difference between … – tell right from wrong). This skill comes with time and good parenting, and my firm conviction is that punishment does not have much of a role to play in this. Therefore, I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement (keep on rephrasing + answer to the question of the task - do you agree or disagree with this opinion: clear author's view – disagree. There are 3 sentences here, can write 2 - rephrase + point of view).
To some extent the question depends on the age of the child (answer to the 1st question + the reason why the author does not agree - depends on the age of the child – main idea). To punish a very young child is both wrong and foolish as an infant will not understand what is happening or why he or she is being punished (explanation of this idea about the age – what does it mean – depends on age? + age example – an infant). Once the age of reason is reached however, a child can be rewarded for good behavior and discouraged from bad (continue explaining the age idea). This kind but firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishments, which might entail many negative consequences unintended by the parents (reinforcing author's position: why do not agree with the fact that - punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction – everything is clear and strictly according the task – the next idea comes out of the previous one - excellent!).
To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modeling in their own behavior (continue answering the 1st question – here is the second reason why the author does not agree with the fact that punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction as teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modeling instead of punishment). After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones — an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others. Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel (explaining the reason for disagreement and the result, + explain which punishment is better).
Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges, such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out (the answer to the 2nd question and examples of punishment measures - 3 is enough). Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt. (add which punishment is better and give 3 examples of what exactly children should do). In these ways, responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behaviour than does punishment (possible outcome - punishment which fit the crime).
The author fully answered the task of the essay and gave detailed answers to two questions; wrote on the subject, using formal style. Author explained the ideas and supported them with examples from his own experience - answered the task - give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
ATTENTION!!! THERE IS NO CONCLUSION IN THIS ESSAY - IT IS BETTER TO WRITE ONE OF COURSE, SO IT IS 100% CLEAR TO THE EXAMINER TO BE EXPRESSLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
INTRODUCTION, MAIN PART AND CONCLUSION. BETTER THIS WAY!!!
JUST WRITE ANOTHER PARAGRAPH WHERE YOU REPHRASE YOUR INTRODUCTION - 2 SENTENCES.
We looked at the structure, let's see now what words and grammar is used for 9.0.
PART 2 - GRAMMATICAL RANGE/ACCURACY here: https://yourielts.net/prepare-for-ielts/ielts-writing/detailed-analysis/ielts-writing-task-2-detailed-analysis-2